i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
