Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
