I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
