the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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