You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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