i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
