So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
