Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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