Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
