drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
