whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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