ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
