Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
