I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
