I accidentally had phone sex last night
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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