sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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