I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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