Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
