if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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