i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
