dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
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