last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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