you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
