My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
