Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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