I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
this beer tastes like vomit already
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
