She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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