apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
