I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
