Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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