No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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