apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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