Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
