but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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