just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
