Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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