he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
