I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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