As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
