She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
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Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
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The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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