seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
