Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
