Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
