It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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