the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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