dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
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