you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
