Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
