got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I will pee on everything he values.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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