just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
