Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
