wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
