Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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