dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
