I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
