hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
