This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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