Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
