I'm going to rape someone's good day.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?