Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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