jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.