dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
