My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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