i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
