I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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