you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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