Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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