Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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