You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Four minutes until I can fart!
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
There's always time for handjobs
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
