his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
