somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
