i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
