I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
