Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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