so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
