Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
