My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I AM VODKA MAN
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
