you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
